


I Will Hold on to You Even When I Can't

by orphan_account



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Dark, Dissociation, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Pre-Canon, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Assault, The Old Guard Kink Meme, Torture, we're not here to be sexy we're here to explore deep trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:33:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27190078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Nicolò always does everything he can to make sure Yusuf was never in any sort of pain. But this time whilst in 16th century, they're pulled into torture together.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	I Will Hold on to You Even When I Can't

**Author's Note:**

> Written for The Old Guard kink meme. This is my first time doing a kink meme (probably because the last pairing I was Super Into for writing was a rarepair lol) and I guess in true Me fashion, I chose the darkest one I could find. Probably because I'm not a person who writes on page sex in fics that's just porn and will only do it for romance book style fics. But hey, maybe an Andy/Quynh prompt might catch my fancy. 
> 
> Absolute massive trigger warnings for rape, sexual assault, torture, and homophobia. 
> 
> Prompt:
>
>>   
>  _So, by now I have read a few fics where Nicky, when captured, puts himself in harm's way to keep Joe or others safe from Bad Guys, and some of those fics are really awesome, but it throws me off every time that The Bad Guys just go along with this, considering that they hold all the power in this situation and have no reason to negotiate with their intended victims. For once I'd like to see this trope play out as expected when dealing with this kind of scumbags, so when Nicolo offers himself up for rape and torture to protect Yusuf one of these two things should happen:_
>> 
>> _1) The Bad Guys flat out ignore Nicolo's request and proceed to violate them both. They are helpless to do anything but endure - not only whatever torment is inflicted on each of them personally but on their loved one as well. Afterwards Yusuf and Nicolo are locked up together in a cell and they must try to comfort each other and deal with the shared trauma while, hopefully, planning their escape._

Neither of them were strangers to torture. In the past four hundred years, you get used to the occasional torture in attempt to get information. Sometimes because people simply enjoyed the thrill of watching their captive in pain. 

Nicolò wasn’t sure if what was waiting for him and Yusuf was either of those. 

People tend to take in upon themselves to decide what God wanted, large scale or even the smaller scale version they had now found themselves in Rome. Possibly just a small group of men who'd decided that they knew what was best. Nicolò never did understand why people took in upon themselves to decide what God had wanted. Even as a regretful Crusader, he thought God was much more complicated than that. God didn’t wish pain onto his children. 

Of course, that kind of argument didn’t bode well when you were caught with your lover in a hotel. Before they could even escape, they had been captured and taken to where they were now.

“We’ll get out, amore mio, don’t worry,” Nicolò said, his back against the hard stone wall. He knew what to expect. They’d probably be beat to an inch of their lives. He wasn’t sure of the methods that awaited them but it wasn’t going to be exactly pleasant. It shouldn’t be so bad that they would find out about their gift and possibly accused of witchcraft. That was the hope at least. Andromache and Quỳnh were already risk that in England. They really should go check on their status when they got out of this. 

Yusuf sat next to him on the ground, cradling his hand in his own. He kissed the back of his hand before intertwining their fingers. “Can’t be as bad as when we were caught by those men in Spain, right?” 

He knew exactly which time in Spain he’d meant. “Right.”

The sound of footsteps echoed as five men entered their cell. They looked at the two of them tangled into each other with plain disgust. He almost scoffed at that. Surely these men couldn't be so offended by hand holding of all things. 

“We’ve come to take both of you to punishment for your sins,” one of the men said. He looked to be the leader, a large wooden cross hanging around his neck.

Punishment. Torture, like he’d predicted. Probably a beating or flogging. Things he could take fine.

“Leave him, just take me.” He said it firmly. This was how it went, he took all the pain so Yusuf didn’t have to. His body was a shield for all of his loved ones. He didn’t mind taking pain if the people he’d cared about were spared. Yusuf didn’t like his habit of doing so but that had never wavered him. He’d caused Yusuf so much pain when they’d met that he could only repay him by soaking in all potential pain. 

“That’s sweet but we’re taking both of you,” the leader said, undeterred. 

Nausea waved in his stomach. Yusuf’s grip on his hand had tightened. “No, like I said, take me. Only me. You don’t need to do anything to both of us.”

“Oh but we do. Heretics such as yourselves only learn one way. Please take them to where I need them.”

The four men split into pairs as they approached them. He tried to shove two of the men off of him as they grabbed onto him. His focus wasn’t on them though, it was on Yusuf who was trying to shove the men off of him. 

“No! Please let it just be me! Please don’t hurt him! Please!” His words were ignored as the men started to drag him to where they were taking them, his Yusuf close behind. 

They were thrown into an empty room, still in the church basement. Possibly a slightly bigger cell. He didn’t see any flogs so that was off the table at least. Bruises were a lot easier to get away with than torn flesh.

“Tie him up, make sure they can still see each other.”

That was the leader again. Nicolò watched as Yusuf was dragged to where chains were on the wall. He couldn’t look anywhere else, not when Yusuf was being forced to suffer like this. 

Someone started to pull him by his hair so he was on his hands and knees. When someone started to pull of his pants, that was when he’d finally realised what was happening. 

“No! Please, please don’t!” 

He only got a sadistic smile from the leader, who stood above him. “You need to have your punishment. When you find such pleasure in these kind of acts, you need to be reminded of what they truly are. They’re against God’s will. Men aren’t meant to lie together in such a way.”

He wanted to scream, at the very least he wanted to spit in his face. But it was like he was frozen. He could fight back but he was without a weapon and Yusuf was shackled to a wall. 

Yusuf was screaming, pleading, begging for the men to stop. His pleas went ignored and one of the men who had dragged him in had already started to fondle himself, taking off his own pants. 

“Nicolò, you’re going to be okay, just listen to my voice!” Yusuf called, speaking Arabic. He focused on the sound of his voice the best he could but he heard the sound of a boot hitting a face. 

He couldn’t even have Yusuf telling him that they would get through this and get through it together. That was what he’d desperately needed right now and he couldn’t even have that. 

Too soon, he’d felt the poking at his hole. In the past, an arousing sensation. Yusuf would take his time, make sure he was relaxed and ready while kissing his skin before pushing in when they’d made love. The love was always at the forefront of it. Same went when Yusuf was under him. It was slow, sweet, intimate, and most importantly, loving. 

This held no intimacy, just the goal to cause another man the most amount of pain possible in the best way these men knew. How many other men had they done this to for the crime of not loving the way they thought God thinks they should? 

It hurt going in. Enough to cause his eyes to sting as tears prickled. His scream of sheer pain only lasted for a moment before someone else shoved into his mouth. 

He gagged. Enough that vomit split from the corners of his mouth. He couldn’t even gasp as the man shoved himself down so deep. Too deep. 

Yusuf was screaming again and this time he wasn’t silenced. 

“Stop! Please. Please I don’t think he can breathe! Just stop!” 

His pleas were to no avail. Nicolò could guess that was what they’d wanted. Watch the man you love get tortured until you reconsidered your life choices. As if love could be turned off that easily. 

From both ends, the man thrust into him as if it was air. No concern for his own wellbeing. He squirmed and tried to get away but there was nowhere could go to do that. 

All he could do was lay there and take it. 

He felt a slap over his head and he whimpered. “Not even going to try and such it?” 

The man was so far down his throat that he wasn’t even sure that was something he could do. Yusuf was still screaming and that was honestly the worst part of all of this.

He didn’t try to suck. He didn’t want to comply with their sadistic ways of torture. He would’ve been happy to have received a beating if it meant Yusuf didn’t have to watch this. 

He could feel the man throbbing in his mouth and it only took a few more thrusts before he came into his mouth and down his throat.

Like the vomit still on his face, the cum dripped down his chin but also went down his throat. It was disgusting, it was humiliating, it was something he would’ve given anything for Yusuf to not have to witness. 

With the second man gone, that seemed to be reason enough for the man behind him to push his face into the dirt and thrust even harder into him. He could feel himself tearing inside himself, tears large enough where they took more than a few moments to heal properly. That and the sheer burning let him know he was probably full of his own blood.

“Bet this doesn’t feel great now, right?” the main sneered. “You sodomites forget that this is not the way things are meant to be.”

He gave a whimper into the dirt but didn’t say anything else. 

Yusuf’s pleas had stopped. He had heard his voice starting to go hoarse a while ago. He turned his head to look at him and saw how he was watching him. It was an expression he couldn’t quite place. The hurt, that desperation, the look of bloody murder. 

It was going to be so satisfying to kill these men. 

The man finally finished inside of him and he shuddered in disgust. This wasn’t how things were meant to go. He wasn’t meant to be debased on the ground of a church basement for the simple fact he loved another man. 

He was hauled away to his own shackles next to Yusuf. Yusuf murmured something to him but it barely reached his brain. If his mouth hadn’t been debased he would’ve thought about leaning over to kiss him.

They didn’t make it that far. 

Yusuf was taken from his own shackles and he watched as he was forced into the same position he had been in. His heart thumped in his chest.

“Stop! You already debased me, you don’t have to do anything to him as well!” His voice was in hysterics. No, no, no. Yusuf was only meant to watch his torture, not have his own turn. He wasn’t meant to watch the love of his life get tortured too. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. _It wasn’t fair_.

“But we must,” said the leader as the two other men prepared themselves. The men that had dragged Yusuf in. He’d have to remember to cause them as painful as a killing as he could. 

He could hear the sound of Yusuf’s sobs. Nicolò pulled on his shackles but found that he only started to bleed. The only way he’d get out without a key was to cut off his hands and that would just be inconvenient. 

He wasn’t sure why he’d expected the men to do exactly to Yusuf what the others had done to him. It made sense when he’d first assumed it. Except that wasn’t what had happened. 

Yusuf was on his back. In any other instance a beautiful sight. Nicolò was still far from tiring of it. But he saw how Yusuf’s eyes were squeezed shut, already conceding to what was about to happen to him. 

The two men who had pulled him in stood before him. Both were already hard, a stark difference to how Yusuf remained as soft as he himself had. The moment wasn’t about pleasure and there was no way either of them were going to find it. It wouldn’t ruin the pleasure in each other like the leader of the group seemed to hope but this experience was going to be absolute torture. 

One of the men pushed in and Yusuf screamed in pain. He looked like was trying to get away, only to be held down in place while the men laughed.

“Bet this doesn’t feel so good now, does it, sodomite,” one of the men sneered. 

Yusuf didn’t say anything. He looked like he had given up completely. They weren’t getting out anyway but he’d hoped Yusuf would at least try to fight it. 

He watched as one of the men put a hand to his throat. It looked like it was hard enough to leave bruises without actually suffocating him. He heard another whimper from him.

The man inside of Yusuf pushed a finger inside of him. Yusuf let out a scream of pain again before two more fingers followed. 

His eyes widened. No, they couldn’t possibly be doing what he thought they would.

“Stop!” he pleaded, tears falling down his face again. “Please, please, please don’t do this! You’re hurting him!”

His pleas weren’t listened to and he could only watch as the man took out his fingers and the other man pushed inside of Yusuf too.

The sound he’d made was pure agony. 

He pulled on the restraints again, hard enough that he’d felt the bones in his wrists crack. The pain was unbearable but he couldn’t complain about pain when that was happening to Yusuf. 

“Fucking stop! Get the fuck off of him! Stop this right fucking now!” 

They didn’t listen because of course they didn’t. The two men continued to pound into Yusuf while he could only watch the objectively worse torture. Like they’d wanted to make sure he lover was tortured more after offering himself to take the pain for both of them. 

Yusuf had stopped making any noise, his eyes only staring at the ceiling. His mind had probably shut down so it could handle the aftermath of the trauma. He just hoped that aftermath would come soon.

One of the men’s hips bucked off rhythm and finished inside of him. He could see the cum dripping out under him. 

Hand still on his throat, the second man continued to slam into Yusuf. Yusuf was still barely responding, arms limp by his side and making no attempt to fight back. He’d never seen Yusuf so hopeless, not even in four-hundred years. 

The man finished inside of Yusuf and it was finally over. 

He was limp as he was dragged back to his side, wrists shackled once again. Nicolò didn’t say anything, just looked down at his lover as he whimpered, curling into a ball. Both of them were still naked from the bottom down. 

“I hope this has been a valuable lesson,” the leader spoke as the men cleared out. Nicolò didn’t bother to listen to him, keeping his eyes on Yusuf. The cell door closed and they were finally alone.

“My love?” he whispered, trying to get as close to him as the restraints would allow. 

“I’m here,” he breathed out, still curled up in a ball. “I’m here, ya amar.”

Yusuf was able to push himself into a sitting position. They looked at each other for a few moments before Nicolò burst into tears. 

“I’m so sorry, it should’ve been me and me only. I’m so, so, so sorry Yusuf.”

He gaped at him before shaking his head. “This isn’t your fault, my heart. It’s no ones but these sadistic men who are so sure they know what God wants.” He reached out to his face and wiped where he was still debased. He let him, it had all been sitting there for too long. “And it’s a shame they’re so wrong, to never see our love for what it is. That our love is one of the oldest in our world, second to Andromache and Quỳnh. If they are unable to see the beauty in either of our loves, then they are the fools.” 

He nodded. He’d heard those words before when on late nights, his own guilt would eat him up and wondered if he had been doing something wrong with Yusuf. The first time he’d had doubts, Yusuf had told him it had been God who’d brought them together, and they weren’t going to be pulled apart. 

Yusuf held out his arms and Nicolò settled in them. They were always his home. Nothing could tear him away from them because it was where he was meant to be on cold nights when he was lost. As long as he was in Yusuf’s arms, he knew he would remain, and in turn he could protect Yusuf from harm. 

“Are you still in pain?” Nicolò asked, staring at a wet spot on the cell’s walls.

“I’ll heal. What about you?” His fingers trailed his arm which helped him relax. 

“Mostly better. Doing a lot better now.”

And they remained in that position as they fell asleep. They could plan there escape in the morning. Right now, they needed each other and to heal the emotional scars that had been inflicted. 

When they escape, he will cut every one of these men into pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: https://theoldguardkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/5880.html?thread=2053880#cmt2053880


End file.
